I'm home!!

Well. I made it. Each summer seems to fly by faster and faster, and this one is no exception. As I'm thinking back through each week of this summer and reflecting on all God has done, I'm reminded of this difference there is between my feelings this summer and my feelings now. 

Three months ago:

 I have so many doubts about this summer, I could be doing so many other things! Studying abroad, international missions, working for my mom, interning with church, interning in general, living in my senior house with my best friends, celebrating with all my friends that turn 21 this summer, but instead I'm leaving it all behind. Again. I can't quite explain all that I'm feeling right now. Unprepared, anxious, wary, unsure, confused, sad? Half of me wants to go everywhere, do everything, while the other half of me misses home like no other... And yet, here I am.

I do wonder why I rely so much on my feelings. Maybe it's a girl thing? Maybe it's all about my trust issues. Nevertheless, my thoughts could not be more different. How could I ever be unsure about a job like working for Group Mission Trips? Once again at the end of the summer I'm reminded of how God's plan is always better than mine. I was supposed to be in Charleston this summer. I needed another summer with Week of Hope. I had to meet Molly Gress. It was right that I was challenged in the ways that I was to change my perspective, think more about my relationship with God, and know what it truly feels like to trust Him with everything. 

In all honesty, I experienced some of my lowest lows this summer, physically, emotionally, spiritually. There were days where I wanted nothing to do with people, where I feared that I only needed one more issue in order to fall apart. There were moments when I wondered why I was doing all of this in the first place. And there were countless times where I lost focus on God and thought solely of myself and what I needed. It wasn't all sunshine and roses all the time. 

However, I experienced more joy this summer than I can remember. And not just enjoying things but seeing joy in all that God did this summer through me and around me. Here's a few moments of joy that fill my heart even now:

- Sitting at check in at 3:00 pm everyday listening to campers retell their God Sightings of the day. While sometimes I didn't understand how their stories were God related, I could see how they were beginning to look for God around them. I could see the cogs begin to turn and things start to make sense for them. It was a pretty cool process I got to be a part of. 

Getting my camera stolen during check-in...

- One of my most favorite moments of camp is Wednesday night after the evening program. Wednesday is the night we present the gospel story and apply it to real life. This year we applied it to how we see ourselves, allowing our self image to be reshaped by the view Jesus has of us. Paralleled by the story of Zaccheus, campers looked in reflective paper as they thought about how their view of themselves was different than Jesus' view of who they are and who they are created to be. This is a struggle that I think many junior and high school students can identify with, and older people as well, which is why this night filled me with joy. Every evening I got to watch as dozens of people responded to the truth of the gospel, meet Jesus for the first time, or just reflect on how their self image needed repair from Jesus. So many tears and yet so much healing. It was a sad and yet joyful experience for me to lead, watch, and simply be a part of. God is alive, and He used me to touch hundreds of lives every Wedneaday night this summer. Joy. 

Watch as God works in even the youngest of campers...

- Saturday morning beach sunrises. Yes. If you have never experienced a beach sunrise, you need to. Grab a journal, a bible, a book, a towel, and a Starbucks. Sunrise might be early but there is something about the newness of the day that reveals so much about the character of the creator of the universe. Seriously. So beautiful. If I could I would take that time every day to just rest and watch God reveal beauty with the light of the sun. Peace and joy. 

- Laughter. Do you know what it feels like to laugh without hindrance? It's more than joy, it's freedom. There were so many moments this summer where I simply laughed. No bounds, no restrictions, just laughter. And laughing until I cried. Most of these were credited to Molly, or the Meadows especially on Milkshake Mondays. But campers, adults, volunteers, other summer staffers. We experienced life together and in doing so we broke all walls with laughter. That truly fills my heart. 

Please look at Elijah in the middle. Creep. 

Joy. 

- Real elation: finding out on a Wednesday afternoon that you will be working as an intern with Make-A-Wish Foundation. After worrying all summer about the future of your last year of college and needing an internship and really not liking the idea of not knowing what the future holds after graduation, I was incredibly anxious about the return of school. Seeing God's plan unfold in God's timing is just another greater reminder that He is greater. 

I could go on and on. My list is pretty lengthy. But I just wanted to say this: just as we experience God in the big and the small, so too can we experience joy. At camp and in life we can get carried away with trying to figure out what God is doing and we watch for Him in the big and in the small. Joy also is experienced in everything, and much of it depends on perspective. A big lesson I learned this summer is that if you're not so worried about what and why things are happening, then you will find joy in watching how God unfolds his plan. In life we can decide how we see everything, ups, downs, in betweens. But we cannot experience joy until we trust God. His work is not based on our definition of good or bad, but He does work everything out for our good. When we trust in that we can find joy and hope in every circumstance. Despite feelings, despite attitudes, despite judgements. The Spirit enables us to experience joy in Christ and all I can say is that I experienced that this summer. 

To God be the glory for this and all the things I got to be a part of this summer. I may not have known why I signed on at first and I might have had incredible fears about the summer, but I know for sure that my perspective has been transformed. I am free to look forward without fear of the future (okay, maybe some fear) but the moral of this story is God has transformed bit by bit my trust in Him. It's been the name of my blog from the beginning, God trusts me. This summer He continued to teach me how to trust Him. I found that trust brings joy, and I can't wait to see what happens as I continue to trust in Him. 

Blessed and filled with joy brought by the Spirit. Thanking God for that! Now let the adventure continue! :)

Time is flying!

I guess since I haven't updated you all in 3 weeks I probably should. 

Short story: God is so good. 

Long story: these past three weeks have been some of the smoothest weeks with the best people. We hit our stride, we had a lot of fun, and lives were changed because of it. God is good. 

Here's a few highlights:

- 3 weeks ago we had an incredible adult that left such an impression on us. He served us that week and it was an honor to meet him. From nighttime conversations, security patrols with us, and embarrassing pictures from the glow stick rave. Shout out to you Pastor O. You're such an encouragement to us.

- we were blessed to serve along side two past summer staffers. First, Laura. Laura and her friend Danielle were rock stars and blessings for us coming off of preteen week. We were spoiled by being able to sleep in in the mornings and share some laughs with people who understood. And getting some people our age we could just be ourselves with. We needed some positivity and were blessed with Laura and Danielle. 

- Summer staffer number two: Patty Filby. Patty sent me a message a couple weeks prior to her arrival that she was coming out to Charleston and wanted to surprise Molly. So we planned a sneaky surprise and had Patty in the facility for almost 2 hours before we revealed her presence at program. Molly had no idea and I'm hoping she enjoyed the surprise as much as I did. Patty was so helpful to us the following week and we had a blast living it up the weekend before. While we wished she could've stayed longer we were both pretty happy she got to come out and serve with us. 

- My dad. Steve got to come out that same week as Patty so we had another superstar week with the two of them serving. I so missed my family so it was a good point in the summer for him to fly out. Even though he got a little bogged down with work I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Kayaking, food tours, farmers market, vacation rental by owner, incredible food adventures. I'll always be a daddy's girl and I can't even start to explain how much it meant for him to be there. 

- the past three weeks we have been so lucky with our youth leaders. So few problems and lots of encouragement for both Molly and I. Usually by week 4/5 I'm exhausted but we had the perfect mix of volunteers to lift us up in the mid summer struggle. 

- this past week we had a group of all college students. At first we were unsure about them but realized we needed some interaction with people our age. Just talking with all of them was refreshing. Sarcasm, jokes we all understood, unhindered conversation. Even some whiffleball at 5:45am on a Friday morning. Fun times with a fun group. 

I could go on and on but I don't want to make this post too long before I share some of my heart and what God has been doing in my life.

Both week 4 and 5 I started crying during the presentation of program on Wednesday night. Crying is typical but during the program was a shocking first for me. All of a sudden I was no longer in control of the program I was presenting but it was because reflecting on how I saw myself, like I was instructing the participants to do, was exactly what I needed to be doing. 

During week 4 I realized that my main inhibitor in stepping forward in ministry is feeling like I'm inadequate. I think, in general, I have issues with feeling like I'm not enough or I strive for a perfection I cannot reach. But when I think about entering into the specific job of a ministry position I can come up with every reason as to why I'm not fit for it. I didn't connect the feelings of not good enough with ministry until that Wednesday and it may be small, but it was eye opening. 

After week 5 and spending some time thinking and praying about this struggle I was having, I've been starting to consider this more and more. Feelings of inadequacy overwhelmed me- I missed a whole section of program at the end. But it was the most impactful program we've had all summer. I've always been questioning a future in a ministry position/field and there has to be a reason that I can't let it go. 

I've been saying all summer that God and I are wrestling about my future in ministry. I think it's a pretty good analogy as to how I feel. Even though God will always win, somehow I'm still in the middle of fighting back. These past few weeks have broken me down, literally and figuratively, to the reality that I really could do this. If we're being honest here: there is nothing else that makes me more excited about life than God's work. And yes it is everywhere, but I feel fulfilled when I'm in a place where I get to directly impact the lives around me by the truth God has for them. 

God and I are still wrestling over my future. Always have been. I will lose eventually, the summer was definitely the start of that. As much as I want control over my life I also want my life to reflect the glory of God. I'm still stubborn, but God knew that when He made me. One step at a time- He'll lead me forward in Him. 

Week 5

Week 6

Changing lives by changing self images

I'm so filled with the joy of serving Him. Can't believe there's only one week left!

When the devil strikes...

"If hell is anything like this week, I'm pretty glad I won't be there."- honest thoughts from my journal this week.

We just finished week three and this might have been my 16th Week of Hope but it was my first preteen week. All I had heard about preteen week was that we got a half day on Tuesday, morning programs were a little more broken down, and lights out is at 10pm instead of 11pm every night so you get an extra hour of sleep. Sounds great right? Well... I feel lied to. What they forgot to mention that basically all the adults that show up are the parents of the students- which means lots of overprotective moms with extremely high expectations, sites don't really want to have preteens serve-especially if it's working with kids- so you have to fight for places to send campers to, and it's pretty hard to keep the attention span of a nine/ten year old for an entire program. I think if we just had that to deal with we would have been a little frustrated but not entirely defeated- in fact that's how we felt on Monday evening. But unfortunately this week was more than just a difficult preteen week.

Here's what happened: Molly and I were struggling on the Friday before camp started. Many of our projects dropped numbers or dropped completely and so Molly had to work incredibly hard to find projects, even for just one day. Sunday camp and it downpoured during check in and a youth group didn't arrive until 3 hours after check in was over. Thankfully Rachel filled in as our worship leader and Molly had fully planned out at least Monday for projects so we only had to stay up until 11 making lunches for the next day. Monday after the workday ended we had a lot of complainers. Adults on every crew were upset that the low-income recreation centers weren't organized. Molly spent at least two hours surrounded by mama ducks complaining and worried about their kids. We wouldn't send you to a place that was unsafe! So much complaining, so much negativity, about sites Molly had fought to send them to! It's hard to stay positive when everyone else is so negative. By the end of the day when no one responded to that evening program, we were both frustrated but just persevering through the week. Then Tuesday happened. We were on full alert that there was a potential tropical storm/hurricane on the way. The last minute car wash we had 23 participants work that morning had 2 cars come. We were supposed to be leaving for our free evening by around 2. Then the Sysco order didn't come til 3 and Molly was still trying to make plans for projects for the next day. Then our phones got stolen while we were in the next room. We spent our free evening going to three verizon stores and then spending two hours in the last one so Molly could then buy a $500 phone so at least we could be contacted. We thought our night would then be finished with our Group purchased Tuesday night dinner at Walmart. But no. We got a call around 11 pm after everyone was in bed saying that 911 had been called and the ambulance was on it's way- while I can't disclose particulars, the person was okay. At the same time this was happening we had at least six students getting sick from food poisoning (nothing I had cooked) so Molly and I had to go on a building-wide bucked hunt. Fun times.

But wait! There's more!



After four hours of sleep, it was Wednesday. "It's over, how much worse could it get?"- us. Ha ha ha. Molly is still calling to step up sites for four crews and for thirty more people the next week, someone literally poops in the shower and we have to clean it up. I get hit with the worst migraine after that sends me to my bed for the next two hours because I can't see straight, I leave Molly to run camp solo during which she gets pulled aside by the same adults complaining more about their sites asking her how she's going to fix it, she runs back and forth from the office and the main building for camp store and care cards, talks with our lodging facility host about the 4th of July celebration on Thursday and needed more projects, broke her toenail during the kickball game we were supposed to organize, and finally locks herself in a closet to have a full breakdown. She comes out because she has to check on dinner for me, sees me at dinner, and then we proceed upstairs to have a full breakdown with laughing and crying because we are literally falling apart. We didn't really know the emotions we were feeling but we were sleep deprived and stressed and in over our heads. All we wanted to do is call our site leaders but we didn't even have their numbers! Thankfully they arrived right around dinner time and the moment I saw John I started crying, I'm sure the same happened with Molly upstairs. Then to finish it all off, during program that night I had major digestive issues. Sparing the internet from the details, my thoughts were "oh crap, that's not a fart..." to which I immediately devised a plan for a momentary program discussion. Left the group of 72 with an unplanned question of discussion, ran to the bathroom, and returned three flushes later. Let's never do that again. Needless to say we were done with the week and we still had Thursday to go. Thankfully Thursday went by with only our favorite youth group going home early and we managed to send the rest of them home on Friday.

Somehow we made it, only God could have gotten us through this week.

The only thing that could have made this week worse is if Hurricane Arthur had actually hit us and if we had had a Tony Rankin situation. Thank God we didn't because we probably both would have been 110% done. In all of this, there were a lot of God sightings:

-Thankfully only our phones were stolen on Tuesday. Not the cash sitting in the bag underneath them, or Molly's camera, or any of the camp store merchandise. Nothing about our job except our method of contact was interrupted.

-Molly and I spent our Tuesday night laughing at everything in the verizon store.

-Because of the third verizon store that was open and allowed us to stay 45 minutes after they closed to get the phone we needed, we were able to get contacted Tuesday night for the 911 call. We were in our room- in another locked building, upstairs, and way in the back- and the youth leader was able to get in contact with us. We would have had no idea if we hadn't gotten that phone to receive the call.

-On Wednesday, one of the kids at a recreation center where one of our crews was serving accepted Christ because of an adult leader on their crew.

-On Wednesday evening, one of the youth at the camp accepted Christ because she realized that accepting Christ simply meant a committed decision. She made that decision after the evening program.

-A migraine that would usually cause me to be down for the count for the rest of the day went away after only two hours. Because of that, program went on (almost) as normal.

-Every day we had enough projects, and by the end of the week we had enough projects for the rest of the summer. Not in our timing, all in God's timing.

-We had some truly incredible youth leaders who went above and beyond to help us. A worship leader, an encourager, a silent servant. People we needed even when we were too proud to say so.

-Site leaders who are like parents to us. And Milkshake Mondays.

-Molly and I were still standing at the end.

This week Molly and I both experienced what it's like to have nothing to lean on but God. Everything else, including our sanity, fell apart but we managed to carry on. The devil sure struck us hard but that left us with no other options but let Him give us what we needed to get through this week. And He did. Praise God because He is faithful! Here's to leaving week 3 in the past, now on to week 4. It can only go up from here! (I hope)



Sorry there were no pictures in this post... that's what happens when your phone gets stolen!

Holy camp...

Here I am. Finished with our second week of the summer and writing my first post of real life camp. I mean, I've tried to keep everyone updated right? Here's a little rundown of our first two weeks in Charleston.

We arrived in Charleston on the Tuesday evening before our camps started, giving us plenty of time to set up and get things rolling. Molly had a wedding to go to Saturday before camps so we had to make sure we got everything in order before she left us. Thankfully Olivia was around because we had a lot to do. This facility is huge! We are so blessed by the resources that Northwoods Baptist has provided for us. Some serious air conditioning, a beautiful industrial kitchen, a fully loaded program space, more than enough sleeping rooms, just taking a tour made me excited about camp! Meeting the people was also incredibly encouraging. The people at this church and serving alongside us are so welcoming. Southern hospitality is a real thing ya'll. Molly and I had a really good feeling about this summer, just from the first few days. Olivia left us to help at another camp on Sunday before our first camp started. We miss her greatly but only selfishly. We know her incredible talents are being used wisely elsewhere!

Week one was crazy- but then again, it always is. The Sunday night dinner we ordered didn't happen, Molly and I were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, my package with all the important paperwork somehow got sent to Portland, the showers broke...twice on Sunday, I winged every single morning program, we had serious situations on Monday, crews had the wrong directions, we had some legitimate fanny packers (real fanny packs included), we were constantly running out of food, and to top it all off (because that's all I can remember right now) SOMEONE STOLE THE SOUR GUMMY WORMS MOLLY BOUGHT FOR ME!! How dare they. This is all funny though because the week actually went by really smoothly. We generally had incredibly positive adults who encouraged and helped us all throughout the week. Our volunteers were rockstars- Rachel and Sara- we would not have done it without them. Participants had life changing weeks, they loved their projects and their crews. We got so much positive feedback about how well we were running camp and handling problems that we almost believed we were! Our worship leader was fantastic. And most importantly, participants saw Jesus at work. It all clicked for them. They got it. I could see the gears turning on Monday night and then I watched as everything fell into place on Wednesday night. Yes, the week was crazy. But did we create an experience where youth encountered Jesus? Absolutely. Mission accomplished. To God be the glory because I know I had nothing to do with it.

A snapshot of the entire camp coming together to worship the Lord. Incredible.

Still smiling! Congrats to you Mol- First week ever with Group? You handled it all like a pro. I'll be saying it all summer: it's a blessing to be serving with you.

Week one- check.

We both went into week two a little more mentally prepared than the first week and excited to see what a little more experience working together would do for us. Once again- we were blessed with fabulous volunteers- Laura and Dallas. They were the mom and dad we needed this week- to hug us when we were stressed, pray with us when we were discouraged, and make sure that we ate every meal! (We definitely heard about it if they noticed we weren't at meals... and there was usually a plate saved for us in the fridge!) This week again was busy but less so with the details and more with the big problems. I learned a big lesson in making judgements. Here's a few take aways from week two:

You have 1 out of 7 groups that is from a non-religious school and you start to think they might have a problem with being at a Christian mission trip? Don't try to place labels. They could be one of the most positive, encouraging, and helpful groups you have!

A little bit of Gospel music with our one group from an OH high school.

You think that the group with everyone under the age of 15 except for 1 is going to be a hassle? Watch as they are the group who stays in the sanctuary until past lights out, praying and building each other up because of the words God had you say that night.

You think that because you kept losing your spot while presenting program no one will understand the point you were trying to get across? Stop worrying and watch what happens when you lose yourself and let God choose the words you will say. Half the camp could have a major lightbulb moment.

You think that a gang related shooting will put a halt to the work an already tentative crew is doing at a worksite? Pray. And watch as God calls those students to have courage and bravely return to the worksite. They might even bring a seven year old to Christ!

God knows what He's doing. He knows why He brings each person to camp and what He is going to with each of them. What I try to figure out beforehand is usually wrong. I've got a whole new perspective on "Let go and let God." This week may have been pretty tiring and Molly and I had quite a few very serious problems we had to address together but we did it. And we had some incredible support systems along the way and a God who had a bigger plan through all of it. 

Sorry for the long post friends! I'll try to post more regularly in the future so there's less I'm trying to pack into one post. Thanks for all your prayers and updates! Missing home a little bit but loving the ministry that's happening the Charleston!

God Sightings

Around here we like to talk about a part of program we call God Sightings. In real life God Sightings are any way we see God at work during our day. They really are a cool part of program and kids are really responsive to seeing God at work. But sometimes you get some strange ones, like "Today, I was putting mayo on my sandwich and I looked down and it was in the shape of the cross." Some become quite funny but the good ones are quality. I still remember mine from my Workcamp days. The point of this story is that as I was going to sleep last night, after one of the most stressful weeks of my life, I reflected for a while on the multiple God Sightings I've experienced this week. 

Every morning this week I woke up at 5:30am, worked all day with 16 summer staffers to feed, serve, and clean up for 100-150 people. It was crazy. I didn't eat one meal in the cafeteria with everyone, I ate in the kitchen. There were many days all I wanted to do was shove everyone out of the kitchen and do it myself. Some incredibly frustrating moments.

And if this week was any different I wouldn't have gotten to have incredible conversations with my new friends Chris and Jake. I'm seriously so honored you chose to spend multiple meal times with me. You didn't let me isolate myself and for that I'm forever grateful. Love you both. 

Good thing we're talking all summer (and beyond!)

Gotta give a shout out to my trainers. You all rock. I'm inspired by your dedication to making Group Mission Trips a success not just for summer staffers but for every person that comes to camp. You are all so gifted in leadership and are true examples of selfless leaders. You have given everything this week and I couldn't have asked for a better group to work with. 

I may not have a picture of this one but I still have to share. Last Wednesday I experienced one of the most raw moments of worship in my Christian life. I've never cried or prayed so hard in my life. I was confronted with all of the things I've been trying to hide for years now and it was a time I truly felt broken. 

Enter Alex. Crying and sitting all alone, Alex came over and enveloped me in the best bear hug ever. Then he made me talk. You know, admitting your struggles is incredibly scary because saying them out loud makes them real. Alex wouldn't accept my silence and instead shared his story so I could share mine. Thank you Alex. You embraced me in my moment of honesty and have encouraged me in a way very few people have. You rock. 

I was nervous about training. I was not excited to create a new trainer position or potentially being the "second" trainer for the program leaders. I wrestled with my pride a lot before coming to Colorado and I wasn't sure I would enjoy being the kitchen trainer. 

Meghan, there's no one else I would have liked to train with. You are a bright ray of sunshine and especially in the topic of God's church your faith in Him blows me away. Thank you for being gracious with me and loving on me even when I was being incredibly prideful. Thank you for including me. But most importantly, thank you for being the kind of friend only God could provide. He somehow even wired our brains to think the same thing at the same time. You have so much Christ in you friend. I'm blessed by your friendship. 

Week of Hopers, you are the body of Christ. The hands, the feet, the arms, the legs, the whole body. Every single one of you fills a certain part of God's plan for this summer and I can't wait to see what He does as his body stretches across America. I'm encouraged and inspired by all of you. Thank you for you who are, the work you've put in these past two weeks, and the faith you have in following God's call for you summer. 

You're so ready. Go! 

And I'll end with this God Sighting: as I came into this summer, I was incredibly anxious about my new partner. I have had two Caitlyn/Kaitlyn's that have rocked my world and to give it a third shot? Fat chance I'd get another great one. Sometimes I wonder why I worry. God, you are good. And Molly, you make me so excited for this summer. Your love of God, genuine kindness, and pure joy is contagious and I know God is going to use us in ways we can't even imagine. Thanks for everything you are and all the ways you're already encouraging me. I love you and I can't wait for our summer in Charleston! 

And our extra bonus, Olivia. Even though your just a flex and take up extra space in our car ;) WHCHA wouldn't be a dream team without you. You've worked harder and laughed longer than anyone else this week and I can't wait to spend as much time as we get with you this summer! 

WHCHA and our van Charles. 

Packed to the max! Ready for the trip to South Carolina!

Ready or not, here we go! 

Charleston, SC

Holy cow. This is real life. I'm going to Charleston, South Carolina! 

Today marks the end of our first full day of training. Which means, among other things, I am emotionally exhausted (hence why I'm writing this post at 10:45 at night instead of bonding with the other staffers!). The past week has been one huge blur, yet I feel like I've been here for a month. Our first couple days as trainers in Loveland were packed with meetings, training preparations, and heavy lifting as we loaded up all the equipment we needed to have up in Estes Park. Then we spent the weekend deep in thought about what training would look like, how we wanted to train, and generally preparing for the summer staff to finally arrive!

Meeting everyone on Monday was so exciting. It was so what I needed to connect again with the returners and see all the beautiful new faces, and the face of Miss Hannah Mckee. I can hardly describe my excitement that she's a project leader this year. Having one of my best friends experience Week of Hope is something I never thought I would have and here she is! Loving it. After the brief orientation our crews were finally announced (in a very sorority, big/little reveal like style I might add!) by finding puzzle pieces and connecting them to find our crew!

Here we are! AND surprise! We have a third crew mate. Olivia Smith will be accompanying us temporarily, although we hope permanently, on our adventure to Charleston! Olivia is a flex and has the ability to do both Molly and my positions. If there is an emergency or she is needed elsewhere she could be moved, but I I'm selfishly praying that doesn't happen!

Today was the morning of policies and the afternoon of program presentations. If you need a refresher, program presentations are a wonderful activity where each of the program leaders stands in front of Week of hope staff and are asked to present a program by memory without notes. Yes, without notes. It might have been the third year that I have done this but that didn't make me any less nervous. However I am happy to report that not only I did fairly well, but ALL of our program leaders did well too. I'm so excited that we're starting off on such a good foot. I'm astounded at the showing by every single program leader in that room. Woohoo! Hard part over. Now on to learning the rest of the program...

After the past 24 hours, it finally feels like summer staff. It feels right being here, walking in the mountains, training and speaking, planning out summer trips, bonding with my crew, it feels like summer. It's different, that's for sure. I miss both the Caitlyn/Kaitlyn's. I haven't talked to my family in a week (typical). I really don't have any clue what my exact role in training is. But I'm rolling with it. And I can already tell I have a great partner in Molly and flex in Olivia. I'm beyond excited to be spending my summer in Charleston. I'm nervous that this seven weeks of camp will drain me dry, but I know God has some incredible things in store for us. This is His adventure, I'm just along for the ride.

Welcome home. - The Rockies

Summer Staff: Round 3

I must be crazy. There's no other reason to explain why I am currently sitting in Midway International Airport about to board my flight for Denver to start a third summer with Group Missions. Seriously, why am I here? I've been asking myself that question quite a few times over the past three weeks, and when I have an answer to that I'll let you know. I have so many doubts about this summer, I could be doing so many other things! Studying abroad, international missions, working for my mom, interning with church, interning in general, living in my senior house with my best friends, celebrating with all my friends that turn 21 this summer, but instead I'm leaving it all behind. Again. I can't quite explain all that I'm feeling right now. Unprepared, anxious, wary, unsure, confused, sad? Half of me wants to go everywhere, do everything, while the other half of me misses home like no other... And yet, here I am.

I opened my blogger app in the airport and found a draft of a post from the end of last summer that I never uploaded, and it gave me a lot of reassurance in this. Here's what it said.

(8/13/13)

What Do I Stand For?

And my summer in San Diego is finally at an end. This time last week I was enjoying my last few days in Colorado, trading stories with other summer staffers, and soaking it all in. The end of summer sure came quickly for me but I got a lot of time to reflect on my way back home.

People ask me, "Would you do it again?" and my immediate answer is always yes. 120% yes. It's not because the summer staff are like family or because the people I work with/for are incredible or because I get to impact hundreds of lives (although those are great reasons), it's because I see God. Sometimes in insanely obvious ways and a lot of times in the little things. When I get these chances to look back on my summer it becomes so clear to me the ways God worked and the ways he used me. And so the end of the summer brings me to consider the question I've been asking youth all summer: What do you stand for?

When I was making my way through security, one of the TSA ladies asked me what my shirt said (I was wearing my newly purchased camp store shirt) and I told her it said, "What do you stand for?" She replied, "Wow, that's a tough question. I don't think I can answer that.." and that was our interaction. A brief three sentences but it got me thinking, I realized that I never took the time to meditate on this. I was so worried about praying for guidance, discernment, strength, energy, and all the other things I needed that I forgot about answering the question God had been asking me all summer. What do you stand for Elisabeth? It hit me in those 2 hours in the clouds that nothing else matters if I don't know what I stand for.

I need God this summer. There's no other way to put it. I'm heading into the storm of summer staff just like the past two years but this year I feel less prepared than ever before. I've learned more this past year about what I stand for than ever before. I've seen God move in San Diego, Honduras, Berlin, Naperville, and Indianapolis. And that's just one year of my life. How can I possibly be concerned that God doesn't have a reason for me to be returning this summer? As I stand for Him, He's going to repair and transform my mentality to bring me closer to Him and better trust that He's got this all worked out. 

I love this job. I love these people. I love being the vessel for God's Word to reach young people. Even though I'm unsure right now, I'm choosing to stand for Jesus, to stand in the midst of my doubt and trust that God really does work all things out for the good of those who love him.