Summer Staff: Round 3

I must be crazy. There's no other reason to explain why I am currently sitting in Midway International Airport about to board my flight for Denver to start a third summer with Group Missions. Seriously, why am I here? I've been asking myself that question quite a few times over the past three weeks, and when I have an answer to that I'll let you know. I have so many doubts about this summer, I could be doing so many other things! Studying abroad, international missions, working for my mom, interning with church, interning in general, living in my senior house with my best friends, celebrating with all my friends that turn 21 this summer, but instead I'm leaving it all behind. Again. I can't quite explain all that I'm feeling right now. Unprepared, anxious, wary, unsure, confused, sad? Half of me wants to go everywhere, do everything, while the other half of me misses home like no other... And yet, here I am.

I opened my blogger app in the airport and found a draft of a post from the end of last summer that I never uploaded, and it gave me a lot of reassurance in this. Here's what it said.

(8/13/13)

What Do I Stand For?

And my summer in San Diego is finally at an end. This time last week I was enjoying my last few days in Colorado, trading stories with other summer staffers, and soaking it all in. The end of summer sure came quickly for me but I got a lot of time to reflect on my way back home.

People ask me, "Would you do it again?" and my immediate answer is always yes. 120% yes. It's not because the summer staff are like family or because the people I work with/for are incredible or because I get to impact hundreds of lives (although those are great reasons), it's because I see God. Sometimes in insanely obvious ways and a lot of times in the little things. When I get these chances to look back on my summer it becomes so clear to me the ways God worked and the ways he used me. And so the end of the summer brings me to consider the question I've been asking youth all summer: What do you stand for?

When I was making my way through security, one of the TSA ladies asked me what my shirt said (I was wearing my newly purchased camp store shirt) and I told her it said, "What do you stand for?" She replied, "Wow, that's a tough question. I don't think I can answer that.." and that was our interaction. A brief three sentences but it got me thinking, I realized that I never took the time to meditate on this. I was so worried about praying for guidance, discernment, strength, energy, and all the other things I needed that I forgot about answering the question God had been asking me all summer. What do you stand for Elisabeth? It hit me in those 2 hours in the clouds that nothing else matters if I don't know what I stand for.

I need God this summer. There's no other way to put it. I'm heading into the storm of summer staff just like the past two years but this year I feel less prepared than ever before. I've learned more this past year about what I stand for than ever before. I've seen God move in San Diego, Honduras, Berlin, Naperville, and Indianapolis. And that's just one year of my life. How can I possibly be concerned that God doesn't have a reason for me to be returning this summer? As I stand for Him, He's going to repair and transform my mentality to bring me closer to Him and better trust that He's got this all worked out. 

I love this job. I love these people. I love being the vessel for God's Word to reach young people. Even though I'm unsure right now, I'm choosing to stand for Jesus, to stand in the midst of my doubt and trust that God really does work all things out for the good of those who love him.