God trusts ME: Time is flying!

I guess since I haven't updated you all in 3 weeks I probably should.

Short story: God is so good.

Long story: these past three weeks have been some of the smoothest weeks with the best people. We hit our stride, we had a lot of fun, and lives were changed because of it. God is good.

Here's a few highlights:

- 3 weeks ago we had an incredible adult that left such an impression on us. He served us that week and it was an honor to meet him. From nighttime conversations, security patrols with us, and embarrassing pictures from the glow stick rave. Shout out to you Pastor O. You're such an encouragement to us.

- we were blessed to serve along side two past summer staffers. First, Laura. Laura and her friend Danielle were rock stars and blessings for us coming off of preteen week. We were spoiled by being able to sleep in in the mornings and share some laughs with people who understood. And getting some people our age we could just be ourselves with. We needed some positivity and were blessed with Laura and Danielle.

- Summer staffer number two: Patty Filby. Patty sent me a message a couple weeks prior to her arrival that she was coming out to Charleston and wanted to surprise Molly. So we planned a sneaky surprise and had Patty in the facility for almost 2 hours before we revealed her presence at program. Molly had no idea and I'm hoping she enjoyed the surprise as much as I did. Patty was so helpful to us the following week and we had a blast living it up the weekend before. While we wished she could've stayed longer we were both pretty happy she got to come out and serve with us.

- My dad. Steve got to come out that same week as Patty so we had another superstar week with the two of them serving. I so missed my family so it was a good point in the summer for him to fly out. Even though he got a little bogged down with work I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Kayaking, food tours, farmers market, vacation rental by owner, incredible food adventures. I'll always be a daddy's girl and I can't even start to explain how much it meant for him to be there.

- the past three weeks we have been so lucky with our youth leaders. So few problems and lots of encouragement for both Molly and I. Usually by week 4/5 I'm exhausted but we had the perfect mix of volunteers to lift us up in the mid summer struggle.

- this past week we had a group of all college students. At first we were unsure about them but realized we needed some interaction with people our age. Just talking with all of them was refreshing. Sarcasm, jokes we all understood, unhindered conversation. Even some whiffleball at 5:45am on a Friday morning. Fun times with a fun group.

I could go on and on but I don't want to make this post too long before I share some of my heart and what God has been doing in my life.

Both week 4 and 5 I started crying during the presentation of program on Wednesday night. Crying is typical but during the program was a shocking first for me. All of a sudden I was no longer in control of the program I was presenting but it was because reflecting on how I saw myself, like I was instructing the participants to do, was exactly what I needed to be doing.

During week 4 I realized that my main inhibitor in stepping forward in ministry is feeling like I'm inadequate. I think, in general, I have issues with feeling like I'm not enough or I strive for a perfection I cannot reach. But when I think about entering into the specific job of a ministry position I can come up with every reason as to why I'm not fit for it. I didn't connect the feelings of not good enough with ministry until that Wednesday and it may be small, but it was eye opening.

After week 5 and spending some time thinking and praying about this struggle I was having, I've been starting to consider this more and more. Feelings of inadequacy overwhelmed me- I missed a whole section of program at the end. But it was the most impactful program we've had all summer. I've always been questioning a future in a ministry position/field and there has to be a reason that I can't let it go.

I've been saying all summer that God and I are wrestling about my future in ministry. I think it's a pretty good analogy as to how I feel. Even though God will always win, somehow I'm still in the middle of fighting back. These past few weeks have broken me down, literally and figuratively, to the reality that I really could do this. If we're being honest here: there is nothing else that makes me more excited about life than God's work. And yes it is everywhere, but I feel fulfilled when I'm in a place where I get to directly impact the lives around me by the truth God has for them.

God and I are still wrestling over my future. Always have been. I will lose eventually, the summer was definitely the start of that. As much as I want control over my life I also want my life to reflect the glory of God. I'm still stubborn, but God knew that when He made me. One step at a time- He'll lead me forward in Him.