Time is flying!

I guess since I haven't updated you all in 3 weeks I probably should. 

Short story: God is so good. 

Long story: these past three weeks have been some of the smoothest weeks with the best people. We hit our stride, we had a lot of fun, and lives were changed because of it. God is good. 

Here's a few highlights:

- 3 weeks ago we had an incredible adult that left such an impression on us. He served us that week and it was an honor to meet him. From nighttime conversations, security patrols with us, and embarrassing pictures from the glow stick rave. Shout out to you Pastor O. You're such an encouragement to us.

- we were blessed to serve along side two past summer staffers. First, Laura. Laura and her friend Danielle were rock stars and blessings for us coming off of preteen week. We were spoiled by being able to sleep in in the mornings and share some laughs with people who understood. And getting some people our age we could just be ourselves with. We needed some positivity and were blessed with Laura and Danielle. 

- Summer staffer number two: Patty Filby. Patty sent me a message a couple weeks prior to her arrival that she was coming out to Charleston and wanted to surprise Molly. So we planned a sneaky surprise and had Patty in the facility for almost 2 hours before we revealed her presence at program. Molly had no idea and I'm hoping she enjoyed the surprise as much as I did. Patty was so helpful to us the following week and we had a blast living it up the weekend before. While we wished she could've stayed longer we were both pretty happy she got to come out and serve with us. 

- My dad. Steve got to come out that same week as Patty so we had another superstar week with the two of them serving. I so missed my family so it was a good point in the summer for him to fly out. Even though he got a little bogged down with work I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Kayaking, food tours, farmers market, vacation rental by owner, incredible food adventures. I'll always be a daddy's girl and I can't even start to explain how much it meant for him to be there. 

- the past three weeks we have been so lucky with our youth leaders. So few problems and lots of encouragement for both Molly and I. Usually by week 4/5 I'm exhausted but we had the perfect mix of volunteers to lift us up in the mid summer struggle. 

- this past week we had a group of all college students. At first we were unsure about them but realized we needed some interaction with people our age. Just talking with all of them was refreshing. Sarcasm, jokes we all understood, unhindered conversation. Even some whiffleball at 5:45am on a Friday morning. Fun times with a fun group. 

I could go on and on but I don't want to make this post too long before I share some of my heart and what God has been doing in my life.

Both week 4 and 5 I started crying during the presentation of program on Wednesday night. Crying is typical but during the program was a shocking first for me. All of a sudden I was no longer in control of the program I was presenting but it was because reflecting on how I saw myself, like I was instructing the participants to do, was exactly what I needed to be doing. 

During week 4 I realized that my main inhibitor in stepping forward in ministry is feeling like I'm inadequate. I think, in general, I have issues with feeling like I'm not enough or I strive for a perfection I cannot reach. But when I think about entering into the specific job of a ministry position I can come up with every reason as to why I'm not fit for it. I didn't connect the feelings of not good enough with ministry until that Wednesday and it may be small, but it was eye opening. 

After week 5 and spending some time thinking and praying about this struggle I was having, I've been starting to consider this more and more. Feelings of inadequacy overwhelmed me- I missed a whole section of program at the end. But it was the most impactful program we've had all summer. I've always been questioning a future in a ministry position/field and there has to be a reason that I can't let it go. 

I've been saying all summer that God and I are wrestling about my future in ministry. I think it's a pretty good analogy as to how I feel. Even though God will always win, somehow I'm still in the middle of fighting back. These past few weeks have broken me down, literally and figuratively, to the reality that I really could do this. If we're being honest here: there is nothing else that makes me more excited about life than God's work. And yes it is everywhere, but I feel fulfilled when I'm in a place where I get to directly impact the lives around me by the truth God has for them. 

God and I are still wrestling over my future. Always have been. I will lose eventually, the summer was definitely the start of that. As much as I want control over my life I also want my life to reflect the glory of God. I'm still stubborn, but God knew that when He made me. One step at a time- He'll lead me forward in Him. 

Week 5

Week 6

Changing lives by changing self images

I'm so filled with the joy of serving Him. Can't believe there's only one week left!

When the devil strikes...

"If hell is anything like this week, I'm pretty glad I won't be there."- honest thoughts from my journal this week.

We just finished week three and this might have been my 16th Week of Hope but it was my first preteen week. All I had heard about preteen week was that we got a half day on Tuesday, morning programs were a little more broken down, and lights out is at 10pm instead of 11pm every night so you get an extra hour of sleep. Sounds great right? Well... I feel lied to. What they forgot to mention that basically all the adults that show up are the parents of the students- which means lots of overprotective moms with extremely high expectations, sites don't really want to have preteens serve-especially if it's working with kids- so you have to fight for places to send campers to, and it's pretty hard to keep the attention span of a nine/ten year old for an entire program. I think if we just had that to deal with we would have been a little frustrated but not entirely defeated- in fact that's how we felt on Monday evening. But unfortunately this week was more than just a difficult preteen week.

Here's what happened: Molly and I were struggling on the Friday before camp started. Many of our projects dropped numbers or dropped completely and so Molly had to work incredibly hard to find projects, even for just one day. Sunday camp and it downpoured during check in and a youth group didn't arrive until 3 hours after check in was over. Thankfully Rachel filled in as our worship leader and Molly had fully planned out at least Monday for projects so we only had to stay up until 11 making lunches for the next day. Monday after the workday ended we had a lot of complainers. Adults on every crew were upset that the low-income recreation centers weren't organized. Molly spent at least two hours surrounded by mama ducks complaining and worried about their kids. We wouldn't send you to a place that was unsafe! So much complaining, so much negativity, about sites Molly had fought to send them to! It's hard to stay positive when everyone else is so negative. By the end of the day when no one responded to that evening program, we were both frustrated but just persevering through the week. Then Tuesday happened. We were on full alert that there was a potential tropical storm/hurricane on the way. The last minute car wash we had 23 participants work that morning had 2 cars come. We were supposed to be leaving for our free evening by around 2. Then the Sysco order didn't come til 3 and Molly was still trying to make plans for projects for the next day. Then our phones got stolen while we were in the next room. We spent our free evening going to three verizon stores and then spending two hours in the last one so Molly could then buy a $500 phone so at least we could be contacted. We thought our night would then be finished with our Group purchased Tuesday night dinner at Walmart. But no. We got a call around 11 pm after everyone was in bed saying that 911 had been called and the ambulance was on it's way- while I can't disclose particulars, the person was okay. At the same time this was happening we had at least six students getting sick from food poisoning (nothing I had cooked) so Molly and I had to go on a building-wide bucked hunt. Fun times.

But wait! There's more!



After four hours of sleep, it was Wednesday. "It's over, how much worse could it get?"- us. Ha ha ha. Molly is still calling to step up sites for four crews and for thirty more people the next week, someone literally poops in the shower and we have to clean it up. I get hit with the worst migraine after that sends me to my bed for the next two hours because I can't see straight, I leave Molly to run camp solo during which she gets pulled aside by the same adults complaining more about their sites asking her how she's going to fix it, she runs back and forth from the office and the main building for camp store and care cards, talks with our lodging facility host about the 4th of July celebration on Thursday and needed more projects, broke her toenail during the kickball game we were supposed to organize, and finally locks herself in a closet to have a full breakdown. She comes out because she has to check on dinner for me, sees me at dinner, and then we proceed upstairs to have a full breakdown with laughing and crying because we are literally falling apart. We didn't really know the emotions we were feeling but we were sleep deprived and stressed and in over our heads. All we wanted to do is call our site leaders but we didn't even have their numbers! Thankfully they arrived right around dinner time and the moment I saw John I started crying, I'm sure the same happened with Molly upstairs. Then to finish it all off, during program that night I had major digestive issues. Sparing the internet from the details, my thoughts were "oh crap, that's not a fart..." to which I immediately devised a plan for a momentary program discussion. Left the group of 72 with an unplanned question of discussion, ran to the bathroom, and returned three flushes later. Let's never do that again. Needless to say we were done with the week and we still had Thursday to go. Thankfully Thursday went by with only our favorite youth group going home early and we managed to send the rest of them home on Friday.

Somehow we made it, only God could have gotten us through this week.

The only thing that could have made this week worse is if Hurricane Arthur had actually hit us and if we had had a Tony Rankin situation. Thank God we didn't because we probably both would have been 110% done. In all of this, there were a lot of God sightings:

-Thankfully only our phones were stolen on Tuesday. Not the cash sitting in the bag underneath them, or Molly's camera, or any of the camp store merchandise. Nothing about our job except our method of contact was interrupted.

-Molly and I spent our Tuesday night laughing at everything in the verizon store.

-Because of the third verizon store that was open and allowed us to stay 45 minutes after they closed to get the phone we needed, we were able to get contacted Tuesday night for the 911 call. We were in our room- in another locked building, upstairs, and way in the back- and the youth leader was able to get in contact with us. We would have had no idea if we hadn't gotten that phone to receive the call.

-On Wednesday, one of the kids at a recreation center where one of our crews was serving accepted Christ because of an adult leader on their crew.

-On Wednesday evening, one of the youth at the camp accepted Christ because she realized that accepting Christ simply meant a committed decision. She made that decision after the evening program.

-A migraine that would usually cause me to be down for the count for the rest of the day went away after only two hours. Because of that, program went on (almost) as normal.

-Every day we had enough projects, and by the end of the week we had enough projects for the rest of the summer. Not in our timing, all in God's timing.

-We had some truly incredible youth leaders who went above and beyond to help us. A worship leader, an encourager, a silent servant. People we needed even when we were too proud to say so.

-Site leaders who are like parents to us. And Milkshake Mondays.

-Molly and I were still standing at the end.

This week Molly and I both experienced what it's like to have nothing to lean on but God. Everything else, including our sanity, fell apart but we managed to carry on. The devil sure struck us hard but that left us with no other options but let Him give us what we needed to get through this week. And He did. Praise God because He is faithful! Here's to leaving week 3 in the past, now on to week 4. It can only go up from here! (I hope)



Sorry there were no pictures in this post... that's what happens when your phone gets stolen!