End of Week 2!

This week was surely a rollercoaster. There were days when the campers definitely tested my patience, especially cocky teenage guys. And then there were days when God completely blew my mind. Like Monday, when I had to poke and prod people (figuratively of course) to get their hospitality tasks done. And then we get to Wednesday and Caitlyn and I get to witness Presbyterians, Methodists, and Catholics worshiping and praying together, AND watch a church celebrate the coming of a student to Christ! The highs of this week were so incredibly high and encouraging while the lows were definitely challenging.

Personally this week I realized that we are all so broken and that everyone needs love and compassion despite the mask they put on. When we keep our mask on and pretend that we have everything together, we miss the incredible work that God can do. While we always need God in our lives, the lows are oftentimes where people learn the most from what God is doing. Without the frustrations of Monday, I wouldn't have been able to experience the joy that was Wednesday and Thursday.

As for myself, I'm broken beyond repair. I cannot possibly fix myself, or act like I have it all together. Because when I do it all builds up and I fall apart. I know this week alone, I fell apart three separate times. Truth is I'm just like the students this week that I identified as being "too cool" for all this. I've been learning a lot from God these past few months all while keeping my brokenness behind closed doors. I've gotten so much strength this past week from listening to the broken stories of the adults from the groups that I know God is trying to tell me something. I need to listen in the broken because God's work it rarely neat and tidy. I will learn so much more if I am healed by God rather than keeping my hurt to myself. Even though that means trusting and letting myself be vulnerable, it also means that I am one step closer to being the person I am meant to be.

So the saying for the rest of the summer is not "fake it 'til you make it" it's Philippians 4:13.

For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.

Children of God

They warned us in training that each program would affect us differently each week, that even though you may know the ins and outs of the script, you'll learn something new each week. I didn't believe it at first, but now I do.

This week our camp is about the same size but only three groups, one of nine people, one of eighteen people, and one of forty people. I half expected the camp to be very much the same as last week just with different people forgetting that only a month ago I was praying to be challenged in all sorts of ways. And so I was surprised on Sunday when registration went way smoother than expected and Monday morning breakfast was ready at 7 AM! Then I'm all confident about the evening program, thinking to myself that, "I've got this. I know what I'm doing."

Wrong.

No I didn't mess up the program. And yes the word and concept was still told. But the kids did not participate the way I expected. I was expecting the pause, the realization that yes! Jesus CAN make everything new and he is still making right now. What I got was a bunch of goofing off and students not taking the reflection time seriously. And honestly, at first I was a little hurt by this. I mean, why aren't these kids listening to me? Which is a selfish and likely all too common thought. After some time alone to pray and ask for God's work to be done, I sighed and proceeded to clean up after the response activity. Then, Caitlyn stopped me and pointed something out. My response, my physical response, is a lot like Jesus' response to all of us. Sometimes he'll do something spectacular, or something completely normal, and we don't take him seriously. Maybe we sit and talk for a few minutes about what happened, and then continue going our own way. And that's when Jesus probably sighs, looks at us with pity, and starts to make the changes himself, whether we're willing or not.

What's discouraging for me is realizing that it is not in my power to make these students come to know and love Christ. It's just not. I am not more capable of doing that as I am making myself a genius so I can invent a teleportation machine. It's not gonna happen. But I can trust in the fact that God is going to make himself known to these kids, whether they notice him or not. If I'm part of that, then that's fabulous. And if not, I need to trust that God has other things in store for them, other things that will open their eyes to the wonder that is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And I need to trust that not every night will impact people, not every activity will bring results. But maybe it will, and that's why I need to try.

These kids desperately need to feel the love of Jesus, I know that for sure. My heart breaks for them because of it. I just pray that God would soften their hearts to be able to open their minds and see their potential, and see just how valuable they really are.

My powerhouse

"I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies." -Psalm 18:1-3

Sometimes I forget that God empowers me. I rely too much on my own strength to get things done and I don't ask God to help me and take the time to abide in him. But I really felt strained today. Even though it was only a half a day and I got a nap in, I still felt tired and empty. I've realized that spiritually, I was empty. Sure I was physically rested (sort of) but I was lacking the drive that I need to be able to pour the love of Jesus on these kids.

Short but simple truth I learned today- you can't pour out truth if you're not filled with it.

This psalm helped to remind me that my storehouses of energy are grains of sand in comparison to the powerhouse of strength that God can provide for me. God should be my crutch, my rock, my fortress, my everything. And the way things are going with each passing day, I will forever and always be needing to let him fill me with what I need.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride...

Set up week was crazy! We literally worked all day to set up for camp and it's truly a blessing we had Megan (our volunteer/also a summer staffer) to help us set up. She is a saint. And I'm so glad she is here.

Youth groups came on Sunday. Yay youth groups! We had 4 in total and they are all so wonderful. These kids are so kind and happy and make my job a whole lot easier. While it was super crazy and we forgot a lot of things everyone was in their beds at 11 and all were happy. Of course us red shirts had to get some other stuff done so we stayed up a little later and ate our ice cream. :)

Today was fairly smooth sailing (except for burning 10 pounds of noodles) until about 6:30 when this random person walked in the building. Turns out she was just a troubled teen looking for someone to have a conversation with and a little girl on a bike in the neighborhood told her "You should go to the church over there. I think there's people inside and the door is unlocked." A- How in the world does this little girl know that? And B- Whoa.

As straining as it was to have this girl with us, she was called to be here. God told her to. And the person who was called to talk to get was Caitlyn. She just got to speak such spiritual truth into this teenage life at the same time I was delivering my first spiritual message. God was so in this building tonight. I could feel his calming presence. Even though I was chaotic on the inside, you couldn't tell (according to Megan) on the outside and that's all I needed. I 100% can count on God to pull through in the most stressful situations.

If God brings every day to us like this one, physically the ride will be quite bumpy. But when this summer is over I will be so spiritually filled that I can't even imagine right now. God's presence is so strong here that there is no way I could not benefit. So fill me up Lord, only to pour me out onto the lives of all these people this summer. I'm so ready.

Home sweet home

I wouldn't say the end of training was eventful or sad. It just went by really fast and in a slight haze since the sickness that was going around finally caught me. I spent our surprise free time on Saturday reading and sleeping away my slight fever. Thanks to that down time I had enough energy to take a quick road trip up trail ridge road (the highest point you can drive to!) as the sun set. I must say, it is SO beautiful. You can look up and see literally every star in the sky. Such a wonderful yet small representation of God's work. It wish we had more time to spend there but unfortunately we needed sleep as we would be leaving in less than 12 hours!

Sunday was a blur. Packing up, cleaning up, and moving out. Saying some goodbyes and taking a few moments to pray over what was ahead. Sunday was another one of those "I can't believe I'm here" sort of a thing. Almost surreal. We left Estes and drove to Omaha where Caitlyn and I got a great hour to spend by ourselves swimming in a pool. What a gift!

Then a drive through Iowa, a stay in Yorkville, a day in Chicago, and finally I'm here. Home. I'm so blessed it worked out that I got to stop here. I realized that I really missed my family! And then who would join us for dinner but my Godly women: Tara Beth, Janice, Laura Jean, and Kaylene! It was such a surprise to have them with us and get to see all their smiling faces. Tomorrow is much less intimidating after seeing them!

Once again I'm reminded of how much support I have and how truly lucky I am. I have these 5 (counting my mom!) wonderful faithful women to look up to and model the life a Christian woman should lead. And I feel so encouraged by the love and compassion they pour out onto me. So I need to take a moment and thank all of them.
Thank you TB, for the guidance you have given me in all sorts of times. I'm positive I wouldn't be here without you.
Thank you Janice, for reading my mind when I'm confused and laughing with me when we both are crying in church.
Thank you Laura Jean, for being the bubbly, spirited, faithful, and open-minded person you always are. You brighten up every room you walk into.
Thank you beautiful Kaylene, for your friendship in even the darkest situations and for understanding me so completely.
And thank you Mommy :) I for sure wouldn't be here without you. You are the best mom a girl could ask for.
I'm so blessed by all of you!

Okay. I'll be done now.

Tomorrow, Indianapolis awaits! :)

It's official

While training may not be over yet, today we officially became redshirts. I'm SO excited and honored to wear this red shirt. I wish you all knew. Here's my attire for the rest of the summer. Get ready Indy! We're ready!

Total Awe

Have you ever experienced a time in your life where you can only wonder how you ended up where you are?? I hit that point today. I think I said to Caitlyn multiple times: I cannot believe we get our red shirts in just a few days and we leave on Sunday. SUNDAY! Maybe it was the booking of the travel hotel that put it all into perspective or the loading up of all our equipment for the summer. Whatever it was, I am simply in awe of the fact that I am (almost) a red shirt. I feel like I've been waiting for this moment for 3 years and I never actually thought it would happen. Seriously though, how did I end up here? I guess you actually have to ask me about my story and why I follow God like I do for that specific answer.

While I may know my background, I have not a clue what I did to deserve this job. Nor do I know what to expect to encounter this summer. I may know how to do my actual job, but in ministry it seems like half the job is always the unexpected. Today I'm In awe that God trusts me with all of that, expected and unexpected.

The only thing I can do is hang on, keep my head up, put a smile on, and pray every single second of every day.

And then put on that red shirt.

Just a little Monday pickup...

The craziness of last week lead to a chance to shop in downtown Estes, eat ice cream :), and spend a Sunday at the lake with the rest of the summer staff. After a great weekend off, 6:30 this morning came way too fast. This morning consisted of kitchen training, lodging facility setup, and learning how to place orders using Sysco. Let me tell you ladies an gentlemen, placing a Sysco order sounds quite hard. This is one of those moments I'm so thankful that my mom had me work in the kitchen and do inventory every once in a while. So amidst my confusion at using Sysco and having food for the campers, I found out one of the staff that was training us was also a tri-delta! Some of you may think that's not a big deal, but for me it surely brightened up my day. Kinda weird but it made me feel SO much better about all this. Maybe God knew I would need some encouragement today :)