This was the most challenging week of my life. Okay maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but it was difficult. While I was prepared for the loss of control that a custom camp brings, I was not prepared for how much this group wanted to change. It was like it wasn't even a week of hope. But God grew me more this week than all the others.
We started the week with hard and heavy hearts. We were just not excited or willing for this change in camp and you could tell. Sunday was a chaos that we had never had before. We were totally unprepared in heart, mind, and spirit. Yes this group was high maintenance and frustrating, however I didn't have to be so stubborn and complain every two minutes. We had the best volunteers yet and a completely energetic group that because of my frustration at the youth leaders and adults I missed the chance to bond with the kids. I felt like all week I just grew more and more angry at them for controlling everything. IT'S JUST NOT THE WAY WE DO IT!
That's a completely selfish thing to say.
This week wasn't about me, it was about them, their experience. Who cares what I think. And because of my insane amount of pride and stubbornness I missed all that God could have showed me earlier in the week. Thankfully, He broke through all of it last night and tonight.
He showed me that I really get in the way of things when I'm not flexible and I try to stick to my plans. And also made me realized that His relationship with me is a lot like my relationship with this group. My best analogy comes from the lyrics of country song "Hard to love" so here they are:
"I'm hard to love, hard to love. I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood. I'm hard to love, hard to love. You say that you need me. I don't deserve it but I love that you love me."
I was especially hard to love this week. I mean, no one loves a selfish person. But Jesus loves me even when I can't see through my own stubbornness. How much more should I love others like Jesus when he laid down his life for a person like me. Sometimes I just shake my head at myself.
On a brighter note, one week left! I can't believe this summer is almost coming to an end. Crazy how fast it went!
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